This morning I saw my OB/GYN. The baby's heartbeat was up to 139, when lately it has been staying in the 128 - 130 range. Then, when she did the oh-so-fun cervical exam I was dilated 2 to 3 cm. That's all she said. 2 to 3. To me, there is a big difference in being a 2 and being a 3, but since she didn't bother to elaborate, I didn't ask.
Two packages came in the mail today also. Packages holding beautiful little items of clothing for a sweet newborn. Tiny little jeans and polo shirts. Itty bitty socks. This is all becoming way too real. I'm now starting to actually realize that within a week or two I will have a new baby. A new human child to take care of that relies completely on my incompetent self. I mean, really. I can barely take care of myself. We can barely afford for us to live, let alone this new little precious baby that deserves so much more.
These are the thoughts of a mom. A mom that wants much better for her child than what she has for herself. A scared and nervous mom who plans to make the best out of every situation, even one that shouldn't need it.
No, this baby will never know when we don't have enough money. This baby will never know when mom is worried about the food in the cabinets or the gas in her car. Mom will never show any sign of distress and keep on smiling and laughing with her baby, until hopefully one day things really do get better.
