Please help. I am being held hostage in an abandoned-looking gas station with a big chicken pasted on the front window. They are forcing me to handle lots and lots of other people's money while only paying me $6.55 an hour (thanks KY minimum wage laws). I'm also being forced to deep fry bologna sandwiches and hand out greasy chicken breasts. Some of you may giggle and say "Well, at least the chicken has breasts." but this, my friends, is no laughing matter. Please rescue me from this smoke-free hell that I'm living in.