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I don't talk much about my ex here on this blog. When I do talk about him I categorize it under 5 Years, because I consider it a 5 Year Reign of Terror. He was a drug addict. A liar. A thief. He abused me mentally and physically, and didn't care one bit to do it in front of my (then infant) son. My son continues to think he hung the moon.
When things got to bad; when I couldn't take it anymore I left him. I never would have had the nerve to do it had he not been serving a year sentence in jail for "theft of a controlled substance." I met Travis, and I knew then that he (the ex) couldn't hurt me from behind bars, and I left. Why this was so painful for me I will never know, but that is a story for another post.
Since our break up the ex has seen my son only a handful of times. He went to jail in 2007, was released at the end of 2008, and over the past year and then some he hasn't even bothered. He is too busy with the new girl and taking care of her three daughters (one which is his).
Ah, this is such a confusing post to write. It's like every subject or person I mention can branch out into a whole different blog post, and I want to talk about a couple of different aspects, so if I confuse you, I am sorry.
The New Girl, as I call her, is older than me. She is separated from a man who also has serious drug problem whom she has two daughters with. Now she is with a man with a serious drug problem yet again and has another daughter. Of course, he mistreats her. I have to wonder if it is as bad as it was when I was with him, because he seems to have calmed down a bit, but I'm sure it is bad regardless of the degree. I can't help feel sorry for this girl. I knew her before they got together, and she was a very strong and independent woman. He has completely broken her, too. He cheats on her, this I know to be true. I know that he has hit her at least once, and she told me that herself. She works full time, and he does nothing. He leeches off of her. When he first got out of jail I asked him why he was with her, and he responded, "Well what did you expect me to do? I had nowhere to go. No money. No nothing." So, yeah. Even though they have been together for over a year now I will still get the occasional call saying that "it's just not the same with her as it was with me" and "he doesn't think he can ever feel that way about anyone else." But that, too, is another story.
He is just plain bad on so many levels.
Regardless of what he does and despite all of the pain he causes, my son adores him. Even though my son is a somewhat shy and quiet child I know he would run up and jump in his arms if we were to see him in a public place. Even though Travis and I have been together since my son was less than 2 years old, he can't seem to build a love with him like my son seems to still have for his father. Even though his dad has never been a father, my son seems to still think he deserves the title "daddy."
I just don't get it. I really really don't. Travis has been the man in my son's life for as long as he can remember while his dad watched from the sidelines (when he could even be bothered to do that), yet my son is crazy about him.
Will he ever forget?
Will Travis ever have a place in my son's heart that can compare to that of his "father's"?