It's a very strange thing to find out when you are 24 years old. It's a very award feeling to call a stranger up the day after Christmas and tell him that you think he may be your father, only for him to respond with, "No, honey. I don't think so." What do you do then but abruptly end the conversation with an "oh, well I'm sorry to bother you. Have a happy holidays" as your voice catches in your throat and burns from the absolute devastation you've just felt. A wrote a heart-felt piece about that experience titled The Missing Piece which I think you might enjoy.
Needless to say he called back, and we met. I've written about him before in various posts categorized under "Are you my daddy?" So, if you want some background info, then skim through a couple of those. *those posts are all signed with my pen name - before I started blogging with my real one*
Over the past year and a half I've tried to build a relationship with this man, but still he is nothing more than a stranger.His other daughters hate me, and I think that has caused him to back away from me and the relationship we started out trying to build. It kind of went from spending one Saturday at least every other weekend with him to maybe getting a phone call from him once a month.
Even during the times we spent together I never felt like I was quite good enough. He owns a successful business, and has given everything he can to his daughters and grandchildren. Homes, a new car for each of them; you name it, they had it. Then there was me : the single mother struggling to make ends meet, and driving my unreliable old beater. I had been raised by a single mother who was a teacher, and God knows she made sure I had everything I needed, but I had never been rich by any means. So, I felt like I didn't fit in with these people who were supposed to be my family, and they sure did like to talk about their money.
Maybe it shouldn't have, but it hurt. It hurt knowing that I could've had what his other daughters had. Did I not deserve the same? Was I any less his daughter? I sure felt like it. So, I've let our relationship dwindle until now it is almost nonexistent.
I'm happy that I met my father. I'm happy that he is a successful man and that he and his family has everything they could ever wish for. I now know who my father is, but I just don't think I want him to be a part of my life. We are just people of a different breed, and as bad as that hurts sometimes... it is life.
Ashley (@theatomicmommy)
