[I've decided to use the pseudonym 'Small Frye' for my new addition. Why? Because, his last name is Frye obviously. Oh, and yeah he's small. :) For inquiring minds, however, his full name will be Nathaniel Jaxten Frye, and he will go by Jaxten. Heck, I may even refer to him as Jax from time to time, but you'll know who I'm talking about.]
impatiently awaiting your arrival tomorrow. To be honest, I'm so excited that I'm not quite sure if I'll even bat an eye tonight while the rest of the world sleeps. How could I? My son. My second beautiful son will enter this world tomorrow.
There are too many feelings for me to put into words rumbling around inside of me right now. I am excited. I am anxious. I am nervous. I am scared.
I am very happy to have yet another wonderful boy to call me 'mommy'. With this role of mommy, however, comes many battles that I must fight. Battles that are nothing compared to the sweet smile of my boys, and the sweet sound of that first "ma ma" or "da da" that you make. Just so you know, I'd prefer you say "mama" first. ;) Don't tell daddy.
The one thing that worries me the most is bringing you into thisworld. This world that we live in today.I wish that it were all sparkles and rainbows, my sweet boy, but it is not. There are people fighting wars for oil. There are people being killed each and every day for diamonds. There are women and children who are beaten and abused. There are people who have nowhere to sleep except for a park bench or a box that they've lined with newspaper. This world, my dear boy, is not a very good one to live in. The wars, the bloodshed, the violence in schools, the violence on the streets, the homelessness, and the heartache. I will shelter you from this for as long as I possibly can, but I know that I cannot forever. One day you will see the world for what it really is, not the happy place that mommy has tried her best to make it for you since your birth.
You have a big brother, and even though he is yet to have met you, he already loves you deeply. He, I am sure, will be your biggest fan. He will be your protector. He will teach you how to ride a bike. How do I know this? Because, he has already told me. He is going to be an amazing big brother, and you are lucky to have him (as is he to have you). I know that you boys will be the best of friends.
Don't even get me started about your daddy. From day one he has had a twinkle in his eye every time you have been mentioned. He has spent countless hours talking about all of the things he wants to do with you; to experience with you. You are his first son, and will be the top priority in his life from here on out - of this I am sure. Just the other night I caught him in your closet rubbing his hand across your soft little outfits and sleepers. Organizing your clothing by size in your closet. Putting stickers of jungle animals on your wall. Your daddy is a very stern man, and you will be the one to melt his heart. He works countless hours every week, and do you think he does this for me? No. This is all for you. He wants/needs to make sure his baby boy has everything.
I made too many mistakes with your brother. I was 19 when I became pregnant with him. I was so young and stupid back then. Each and every day I wish I could take back the way I was when he was a baby. I wish I could redo all of the things that I didn't do right, but I can't, which is why with you I am going to do things right. I will make it up to your brother, eventually. Now that I am the woman I wish I was 5 years ago. Now I'm ready to be mommy.
Although I have so many hopes and dreams for your future, there are two main ones that stick out right now. I hope that you are forever happy. Also, I hope that you are comfortable being the person that you choose to be. No matter who you become I will stand by your side. You will always have your mommy.
We can't wait to meet you tomorrow, Small Frye. I can't wait to kiss your sweet little nose.