So, I'm busy scrubbing up dog-doo stains from the carpet of my new apartment, that the lady before me didn't bother to clean very well, when I see an envelope with my name on it slide beneath my now white and shiny front door.
What is that? I am thinking as I walk over and pick up the officially sealed envelope. Who in the world would send me an officially sealed envelope? Not even send it, but slide it under my door? Which would mean they were STANDING right outside my door right?
At this point I'm starting to freak out, and my poor bleach covered fingers are trembling as I flip over the envelope to check out the official seal. It reads, "Internet Police : Division of Blogging and Twitter."
Uh Oh, I think to myself. Tucked inside the fancy envelope and seal is a note that reads:
Dear Atomic Mom, (that is me? Right?)
We regret to inform you that due to your lack of responsible blogging and neglect of our blogosphere policy you have been sent this warning. If this behavior isn't corrected within ten days you will then be fined and/or sentenced to time in The Interprison.
During the past month we have noticed a swift decline in your blog postings and your unsuccessful attempts to cover up your absence with guest bloggers. Your ratings have dropped and your readers have disappeared, which if not corrected will force us to take action.
Do not disregard this warning, Katherine. Your
life blog depends on it.
Department of Blogging and Twitter
As I read this note tears stream from my eyes, but I am grateful for the fact that they didn't come to take me away as they did one blogger. I feel horrible for neglecting my dearly beloved blog, which I really do love. Plus, all of my readers - or the few of you that are left anyway.
I could try to explain myself. I could go into detail about my break up or my "sordid affair," which although both would made for good blog fodder I would rather keep private at this point. I could tell you that I've been busy cleaning up the new apartment my son and I are moving into. I could tell you all of these things, but it wouldn't matter, because I claim to be a blogger, which obviously I am not.
Regardless of any circumstances I will continue to post here. Honestly, it may not be anything worth reading, but who wants to spend time in Interprison? Not me, guys. Not me.
For the longest time I've worried about not having anything to blog about, and now that tons of things are happening I am neglecting to blog about them. Silly, I admit.
This will no longer be an issue. I will remain here, at The Atomic Mom, to discuss bodily functions and Chinese Fire Cracker Farts for eternity. I swear.